Miserable Lessons:)

Since last year February, I have made umpteen number of trips to Georgia. Packed my Dad's house, organised a full re-plumbing of the house, put his house up for sale, stopped him from "gifting the house to a frenemy", did everything to help him sell it and move all of his stuff to Florida. Bought him a boat, moved his stuff onto the boat. Got him little things like a clock radio, new coffee maker, groceries etc. to make his life a little easier. After Easter he moved in with us so my other half could completely rip off the bottom of his boat and rebuild it along with the sides which we found, to our dismay, had termites.

For the past 10+/- months Dad has been living with us. You never really know a person until you live with them. The last time I lived with Dad, I was a child and he was a younger, happier man. For the most part, these past months have been a living hell. I have never been more stressed in my life. I never would have imagined that he had become such a miserable soul. I am not being spiteful, just honest. I have learned so much throughout this experience.

One of the things I have learned for example, is that you cannot help everyone. I know I have done everything within my power to make my Dad's life easier and happier. Some people prefer self pity and negativity it would seem. I read recently that self pity can be as addictive as heroin. I think there may be some truth in that but cannot say for sure. They say you can lead a horse to water...well, today I pushed that horse to his own boat. Well, our boat, that he lives on, for free, and claims everything as his own and practically accuses me of taking his stuff (but that's another blog post to depressing to write about). The long awaited repaired houseboat came in last night. An event the entire community on the dock came out for and assisted with docking. Dad, however, sat in my boat watching my t.v. Couldn't be arsed to see the boat come in. Also refused to sleep there last night. I could have died. Today, I sent him packing.

Another thing I have learned is that there are givers and takers in this world. Takers will just take everything you have and leave you empty. They will have no remorse or sense of gratitude either. They won't look back. They just take until you run out of give a shit. My give a shit ran out a few months ago. I learned that I can put on a happy face for months. It isn't a good thing to learn. I think the Italians have it right with just lashing out as and when needs be. The trouble is if I did that, it would NEVER be forgiven. So, bottle it up, put on a happy face was my coping mechanism which led to a possible MS diagnosis. Either MS or stress. So I don't recommend bottling it up. Even being able to vent with my incredibly understanding other half, whom I might add is equally stressed, couldn't seem to lighten the load of stress. What to do, if you don't like something, change it. But that is not always possible. Sometimes there are delays etc. But you still want to do the right thing by family. Honestly, I don't feel it was worth my sanity. My sanity sailed off some time ago, I just hope it went somewhere nice, sunny and tropical. But, in my defense, I didn't remember him ever being this way. 


My kids, well they have learned things too. They see that there are happy old people and miserable old people. They see the happy ones at church and at the nursing home and just around the dock - our neighbors. They know that some of our older friends struggle daily with aches and pains but they get up, they go out and they live life, sometimes even doing it with a smile! Then they see their Papa, who actually said to me a few weeks ago, that the only thing he has in life is T.V. (no shit! Thanks for that Dad) and my Abi said to me that she was depressed initially because she thought she would become like him when she got old. She then observed all of the happy older people and made a little promise to herself about not becoming so miserable. She has had to learn how to let things roll off her back. It isn't easy for her but he gives her lots of opportunities to practice that. Aaron is still the biggest peacekeeper in the family and is still genuinely giving towards his Papa. He does get very hurt by Papa and annoyed but his is so quick to forgive and forget. It is really admirable.

My husband I cannot believe is still here. I am sure he wishes my family were not all such jerks, especially the elephant in the boat. The fact that we even managed a Christmas is a testament to my hard working super hubby. The poor man is so tired. He is so overworked and in desperate need of a vacation.

Lastly, what I learned was that I am now able to leave Dad, go sailing, live our lives and not have a single ounce of regret about it. Because I know he is safe, I know he can do for himself but chooses to let others. I know his woe is me act is just that, an act. I know what he is like. I know how much he doesn't really care about anyone besides himself and I know how much of a user he really is (financially and emotionally). You cannot hide your true self when you live with another person. I feel a bit as if his ex must be laughing her arse of in heaven at me now. She did try to tell me what had become of him but whenever I saw him it was only for a short weekend and he was not his true self.  I was actually mad at her for telling me this about him because I didn't believe it was true, nor would I ever have believed her in a million years, but boy, was I ever wrong.


So, we are free. Free from obligation anymore. I will always be there for him but I cannot be his maid or nurse. When the time comes, I know my limits and I cannot take care of him. I will happily send him off to a home somewhere and maybe even visit him.

Justin will begin laying off his workers next week and the Cornish dream of sailing away again will be realized this year. Woohoo:)

People Are Annoying

God love em, people are annoying.  It has recently occurred to me that the old saying, "God doesn't give what you want but what you need" applies to people as well.  

I have always wondered why my babies were up through the night and others weren't, why my husband never changed a nappy and others did (okay, he'd argue that he changed a few), why my sister died at 17 yrs of age and my parents divorced when I was only 12, why my other sister and I don't even talk anymore, why other families seem so much happier etc. etc. etc.  I think everyone wonders these things though their circumstances are different.  I have learned something for each of these people and from each situation and these things have made me into the person I am today.

Lately I have been wondering why I can't seem to like the one guy down the dock who is friendly enough but just full of himself in my opinion.  He has an overbearing personality, is abrupt and openly tells my kids to disobey me - the latest was to shoot seagulls with their paintball guns after I had told him they are not allowed.

It hit me then that I am just supposed to learn from everyone!  God deliberately puts these people in our lives for us to learn to love.  I mean learn to love because sometimes, lets face it, it is work!  Some people are really hard to even like let alone love.   I  have a lot of trouble not judging others.  Sure I don't gossip about them but my heart is filled with contempt towards some people sometimes and it ain't pretty.  Regular confession is helping me greatly. God is working on me and teaching me so much.  Like, what right do I have really.  I am a very annoying person myself I am sure to some people - though I can't imagine who. I try not to offend but probably have more times than I know about.  How do we love them or begin to even like them?  I think the answer is praying for them.  When we pray for them, or at least in my experience, we begin to see them as Christ does, as a beautiful person made in God's image.  Oh it isn't a one off prayer but sometimes many prayers before we start to feel anything for a person we have trouble liking.

Mother Theresa said once that we cannot help or love all of the people in the world, only the one's God puts in our path.

I have nothing really to offer a reader on the internet from my own musings but I can share what I don't know which is an awful lot!

Falling to pieces , by fractions. 

This morning we woke up late - never good on a Monday morning since that is the 1 day of the week we have the most school work to cover. We also forgot morning prayers together. I said mine quickly in my head as I made breakfast and then jumped into Math which was just stupid on my behalf. 

We are struggling with 6th grade math. Fractions, oh fractions. How we loathe fractions. We spent the entire morning on fractions alone! There were tears, arguments and one broken wipe board, which I should add, was broken by me, not Abi. Apparently if you point (poke) really hard at it, it just breaks. Who knew?! 

Aaron, the peacekeeper, piped up shortly after the board broke and reminded us that we hadn't done our morning prayers! Yes! That's it, that is what we need to do I thought! Then Abi informed me that she had, "done hers". Hmmm, if she had done them anything like she had done her fractions I thought, that's not good. Aaron and I said a couple of prayers together at that point but, because we were late starting our day, we didn't do our usual time of the daily reading of the scripture....another mistake and Abi didn't join us for morning prayers together since she'd, "done hers"- perhaps she should have. 

The day seemed to go on forever. We battled and we struggled and we plodded on through Spelling, Composition, Lit, Greek History, English & Latin but didn't finish until very late. 

I got some time with Justin for lunch.  Justin has offered to help Abi with her Math! It won't be easy because of his schedule but as and when he can, he will, even if that is evenings. Whew, I am so glad that is settled. 

I also got a bit more prayer time on my own. I am now quite certain that God doesn't want us to be miserable over fractions. He certainly cannot want for us to forgo prayers & scripture for fractions.  In our hurry, somehow, we deemed math more important today!  It's much more important to have a happy home, happy kids and happy school day than stressing the stupid fractions. 


Lessons learned... 

1.  DON'T forget morning prayers 
2.  IF we forget morning prayers, everyone stops what they are doing and does them together! 
3. Always ask God for help on fractions!!! 
4. Thank God for his providence in a hubby who can do math:) 
5. Thank God we have scrap paper for when wipe boards    break!

"Goodbye to the Meat"

Lent has arrived! The children and I went to mass on Ash Wednesday and got our ashes to kick off the season. Father Ignatius told us that "carnival" comes from the Latin, carne vale - or goodbye to the meat. Carnival now has come to mean any manner of party. Also, Mardi Gras, or "Fat Tuesday" (before Ash Wednesday) is the day to load up on sweets and meats while you can. In the UK they have "Shrove Tuesday" which I have no idea about the term Shrove but it might have something to do with pancakes as they eat a lot of pancakes on that day every year.


So, the kids thought about what to give up and Aaron decided he'd like to give up showers! Well obviously that would get a bit smelly around the boat and also it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice as he doesn't like baths anyway. After a bit of prayer he decided to give up sugar-free chocs - which may not seem that great at first but when you consider he doesn't have regular sweeties ever anymore because of sugar problems AND sugar free chocs are his only treats (bless him)- it's a big sacrifice. Abigail decided to give up her Kindle. Which she only uses at the weekend but usually from the moment she wakes on a Saturday morn until bedtime Sunday night you can find her in her cabin, on her Kindle, playing various dress up and make-up apps much to my chagrin.

Justin is joining us this year and given up eating out at restaurants. Hmmm, he just said a couple of weeks ago that eating out was costing us a lot of tom! BUT he added that whatever we save by not eating out, he will donate to the Church on Easter Sunday when he will be attending with us! WOW now that is good!

I have given up my much loved, but unhealthy habit, of diet coke and movie night popcorn/snacks. I could very easily have given up shaving my legs too but Justin would have objected I think. I have given up on a bit of vanity though. No make-up except face powder. So I may look scarier to the world but I just smile more to make up for it.

 Abstaining from meat is being observed by all of us for Ash Wednesday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday as well as all the Fridays of Lent. Not that the rest of em have much choice as I am the cook. Fasting can only be observed by myself as the kids are too young and Justin got a doctor's note. Fasting was a toughy because I still had to prepare and serve breaky, lunch, dinner and snacks all the day on Wednesday! I am weak so I said many a prayer each time I trudged to the galley to make yet another tasty snack for someone else.  The prayers worked because I have no will power normally. God is good. Honestly, I caught my reflection in the sliding door and was amazed that I didn't look as hollow as I felt. Still it was good for me and God saw me through it and I feel we can tackle the next 6 weeks together.

I actually love giving up something for Lent. Jesus died for our sins and no matter what we offer to give up this Lent, puny as it may be, He knows we do it out of love and I know He loves us for it.

Costa Rica!!!

Costa Rica was awesome! We had the most amazing time. We did more adventure activities in that week than we have done in our entire lives. As I read the literature prior to our horseback tour it made me laugh out loud, "ride through the mountains like John Wayne and, the adventurer you are!" Nobody would ever have described me thus but that week we certainly did have a lot of adventure. Ziplining, ATV tour, Horseback riding, swimming in the Pacific, hiking in the rainforest, swimming in a waterfall! It was truly paradise on earth and we plan to spend Christmas there this year. Can't wait to go back. Who knows, one day, we may even take the boat down there!!!

New School Year!!!

We are more than 6 weeks into our school year and it is going great! I cannot believe how well it is going. The kids would tell you, "eh, it's alright" because school is school whether at home or in a school building but they secretly like it, I can tell. Abi told me the other day that she "likes having all of the new books". Aaron said yesterday to Abi, "you know, I guess school is kind of useful" when he was working on a book they are writing together. Just that morning he had told me "school is stupid". Charming brat sometimes that one!!! Aaron prays every morning for a "quick" school day and now that we are into a groove he gets done with plenty of time for himself in the afternoons. Mondays are the longest for us ranging from 4-6 hrs and then each day seems a little less until Friday when we only have about 3 hrs work time because of quizzes, tests, etc. I am amazed at the quality of work I am seeing this year. The new program focuses on composition and the results are already showing. Grammar, the subject I am most picky about, is finally sinking in to these kid's brains and the proof is in the compositions. My son, my terrible speller at the beginning of the year, is producing A+ work these last couple of weeks. Multiplication remains a struggle however, and, it would seem, English is truly his "easy" subject. He rocks the synonyms:) It is nice when the hubby even notices and says, "His vocabulary is actually quite good, isn't it?" Ahh, what can I say, I did feel a bit close to bubbling over with pride. Abi has finished the Trojan War which was a nice challenge for her. After weeks of groaning about the book, she told me yesterday she would like to read it again without having quizzes along the way because it was, "actually, quite good!" Wow, so happy she could get her head into it and appreciate it for what it is - a classic! She averaged 100.5 on her 4 quizzes for the entire book and most of her quizzes are short answer, not multiple choice! Well done to my Abi. She is now beginning Anne of Green Gables for literature and is quite enjoying the humor of it. English she tolerates, doesn't like the parts of speech, word order of sentences etc but is very good at it nonetheless as well as composition. Christian studies has proved to be difficult in that we jumped into a curriculum mid-way. So, we just sort of muddle through it together, discussing along the way and instead of learning some of the longer memory verses we have not had time to learn we learn traditional Catholic prayers instead. Loving the new year, hope we can keep up the motivation:)

No Amount of Planning can Help Attitude

Apparently my organisation this year can only help so far as academics. This year, a whole new set of hormones will accompany us as we sit down for lessons. Yup, I am trying to see the good in this but it is hard. I have finally got this awesome curriculum and now my daughter who once loved to learn fights it. For example, I tried a little review with her today (before school starts) and she refused to answer questions that I KNOW she knows the answer to! Why would someone do that? It makes no sense. How odd, stubborn, difficult and rude. Oh boy. What am I in for? I have ordered a book called "Prayers for Catholic Mothers" along with this year's curriculum. I know it was God's divine intervention that drew to me to that book because it now looks like I am going to really need it this year.

Last year I experienced some resistance from her but apparently over the summer the hormones have completely taken her over. Agggghhh. I am torn with the scheduling. On the one hand I want to get school done in the morning, freeing my afternoons for chores, grocery shopping, dinner etc. On the other hand, I am a little afraid of the morning Nazi. Will she even produce anything good at 9am? I don't know. I am trying over the next couple of weeks to get the children up at 8am instead of letting them sleep and also attempting to keep a bed time of 9.30pm. Trouble is, she isn't tired in the slightest at 9.30pm, 10.30pm, 11.30pm or 12.30am even! I am going to have to find a balance between what works for an 11.5 yr old (currently undergoing physiological changes) and what works for my 9 yr old and me. Oh the prayers I will pray this year. Lord, help me to pick my battles and keep cheery and loving through all things.

I suppose He has provided me with curriculum so that I can manage the other stuff.